The speeding old lady.

Received this via email. Good for a laugh.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have

stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk

of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but

an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: *Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.*

Two Boxes From God

I want to share this message which I recently received via email. Apparently it was first sent out by the original author (whose identity is lost in the mist of time) more than 5 years ago and it is still in circulation. It makes me wonder how long these email chain messages can actually be kept in circulation. The email version actually has an image of the black and golden boxes which I have not included in this page. The message follows:

h2. Two Boxes

(I hope I get this back. Please keep it going. This has been going since Dec. 1, 2000 ~ please send it on.)

h2. God’s Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, “Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.”

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
“I wonder where my sorrows could be!”
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
“My child, they’re all here with me..”

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
“My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.”

We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you
are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.

A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you’ve granted to me.

Today I pass the friendship ball to you.
Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you…

God Answers Prayers

I recently received this message via email and would like to share it here. Unabridged version.

Isn’t it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM , but his wife didn’t answer the phone.

The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn’t answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, and she said that it hadn’t rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he’d used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he’d called on Saturday night.

The pastor couldn’t figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, “It rang and rang, but I didn’t answer.” The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he’d intended to call his wife.

The man said, “That’s, OK. Let me tell you my story.

You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God’. I was afraid to answer!”

The reason why it showed on the man’s caller ID that the call came from “Almighty God” is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!!

If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on. God bless!

READ EACH SENTENCE SLOWLY AND THINK ABOUT IT.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don’t cry over anyone who won’t cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

Don’t let the past hold you back, you’re missing the good stuff.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you’re scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!

And send it back to the person who sent it to you if they mean something to you!! Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.

Just send this to (4) people and see what happens on the fourth day.

Do not break this, please. There is no cost, but lots of rewards

A simple method to prevent and even treat cardiovascular disease?

I received this intriguing article in the mail. While I cannot vouch for the accuracy and truthfulness of the contents, the message seem important enough that I would like to share it here. The article is posted almost verbatim with the end section deleted due to its conspiracy claims which I do not wish to repeat. Please read it and judge for yourselves:

A Simple Preventive and Therapy for Cardiovascular Disease (CVD)

There is a simple and inexpensive natural therapy and preventive for cardiovascular diseases – heart disease, arrythmia, stroke, diabetes, and numerous other circulatory diseases – and a path to faster recovery for stroke victims. It has been proven in thousands of patients. This article explains why it works and why your doctor has probably never heard of it.

You don’t need Lipitor or Zocor!

You don’t need Lipitor, Zocor, or other statin drugs, beta blockers, or calcium channel blockers. The Pauling-Rath Therapy, described below, can normalize your cholesterol and/or high blood pressure, while gently healing your arteries and removing plaque.
(If you are not yet familiar with natural therapies, please click here for an easy-to-read introduction at the Natural Therapy website home page.)

The Root Cause of Heart Disease and other Cardiovascular Diseases is NOT cholesterol!

The answer to what really causes heart disease was discovered over a decade ago by Dr. Matthias Rath, a research physician from Germany, and a famous biochemist named Dr. Linus Pauling. Pauling devoted the last years of his long life (he died in 1994 at the age of 93) working with Rath to discover the root cause of heart disease.

Before 1990, it had become accepted fact that the cause of cardiovascular disease was “lesions” (areas of injured tissue) of the coronary and brain artery walls and “plaques” (sticky masses) of “LDL cholesterol” which accumulated there.

But Rath and his collegues at Hamburg University had found that the plaques were not LDL cholesterol but were made from a similar cholesterol-based protein called lipoprotein(a). Rath met with Pauling to share his findings, and they decided to work together to go a step further. They asked the questions:

1. Why did the lesions form in the first place?

2. Why did the lipoprotein(a) plaques form on the lesions?

3. Why do heart patients and others at risk of heart disease and stroke have more LDL cholesterol and lipoprotein(a) in their bloodstream?
After careful analysis, this is what they discovered:

1. Arteries, veins, an every other part of our bodies are constantly undergoing decay, repair, and replacement. To repair and replace tissue properly, our bodies must produce a binding protein called collagen. To form collagen, your body needs large quantities of ascorbate – vitamin C. If you don’t have enough ascorbate to make collagen, the artery walls will form lesions of disrepair. If you took no vitamin C at all, you would get scurvy – the lesions would rupture and you’d die of internal bleeding.

2. The body appears to compensate, but in a way that is not healthy. Lipoprotein(a) is attracted to the lesions, forming sticky clots – arterial plaques. Combining with the other normal repair substances, the plaques grow in size, eventually blocking smaller arteries such as those that provide blood to the heart – the coronary arteries – causing a heart attack, or blocking or bursting the small arteries in the brain – causing strokes.

3. Cholesterol – a basic building block in the bloodstream – is supposed to be regulated by being recycled – converted to bile and excreted through the intestines. Large quantities of ascorbate – vitamin C – are needed for this conversion to take place. If you don’t have enough vitamin C, excess cholesterol and lipoprotein(a) will build up in your bloodstream.

4. Most mammals – with the exception of humans, primates & monkeys, guinea pigs and a few rare animals – produce their own ascorbate. Animals that produce their own ascorbate do not have cardiovascular disease and do not have significant lipoprotein(a) in their bloodstream. In his previous research on vitamin C, Pauling had discovered that the amount of vitamin C recommended by the FDA – 60 mg per day – is 30 to 300 times smaller than the concentration found in other mammals. Putting it another way, humans would need to eat between 2 and 20 grams (2000 to 20,000 milligrams) of vitamin C per day to have as much ascorbate as other animals.

In 1991 Pauling and Rath published their groundbreaking paper: “Solution to the Puzzle of Human Cardiovascular Disease: Its Primary Cause is Ascorbate Deficiency Leading to the Deposition of Lipoprotein(a) and Fibrinogen/Fibrin in the Vascular Wall.” Thus the major part of the puzzle of cardiovasular disease – its root cause – had been found. Inadequate vitamin C causes inability to produce sufficient collagen to repair the artery walls. Lesions form in the highest-stress areas, such as in the walls of the coronary arteries, and lipoprotein(a) is attracted to the lesions, forming plaques. The plaques grow in size until the blood flow is partially or completely cut off or an artery bursts (angina, arrhythmia, heart attack or stroke). Putting it another way, cardiovascular diseases are a symptom of long-term low-level scurvy (vitamin C deficiency).

The answer of how to prevent heart disease and other vascular diseases was clear: having sufficient ascorbate – vitamin C – in your bloodstream. Learning from the anatomy of other animals that do not get cardiovascular disease, that means consuming between 2 and 20 grams of vitamin C per day – 30-300 times the adult RDA – depending on general health, level of stress, etc., scaled down by weight for children and infants (e.g., you would provide a 20-lb toddler with a minimum of 250 mg, 1/8 of the dose for an adult).

Finding A Cure

Pauling and Rath then asked themselves the question of how these plaques – formed over years of insufficient vitamin C – could be reversed. They had found that the lipoprotein(a) had been attracted to the lesion by the presence of common amino acids lysine and proline.

As a biochemist, Pauling hypothesized that if there were sufficient vitamin C and more-than-normal amounts of lysine in the bloodstream, then the lipoprotein(a) might be attracted away from the lesion and that normal collagen would take its place, restoring the artery wall to a healthy state.

An associate of Pauling who had serious heart insufficiency tried the hypothesis. He had already been taking large doses of vitamin C, but was not getting any relief. Pauling suggested taking large amounts of supplemental lysine per day, and it worked. Within a few months he was able to function normally, and there was strong evidence that his plaques were being reversed and the arteries healed. He increased the dosage and recovered completely.

The same happened with other of Pauling’s associates, friends, and acquaintances. Within a few years, hundreds of people had reported that their heart disease had been totally reversed.

But the medical profession and the National Institutes of Health were not interested or impressed. The idea that heart disease was due to a simple nutritional deficiency and that a simple regimen of inexpensive nutrients and very low-level exercise to get those nutrients to circulate was very threatening to a medical system geared to – and economically dependent on – invasive medical procedures and expensive prescription drugs.

Drug companies and for-profit hospitals have hundreds of billions of dollars at stake in investment and future revenues in conventional heart and vascular therapy. Pauling and Rath’s findings – if they became common knowledge and their therapy used by the medical profession – would eradicate cardiovascular disease in humans.

[Deleted the remaining section of the article containing conspiracy claims involving the medical profession etc etc]

ALWAYS WASH IT FIRST!

I received this message (attached below) in an email this morning. It was a wakeup call to me as I tend to drink from soft drink cans without cleaning the top. 🙁

While I can’t vouch for the truthfulness of the story I still think that it is better to be safe than sorry.

A stock clerk was sent to clean up a storeroom in Maui,Hawaii. When he got back, he was complaining that the storeroom was really filthy and that he had noticed dried mouse or rat droppings in some areas.

A couple of days later, he started to feel like he was coming down with a stomach flu, complained of sore joints and headaches and began to vomit. He went to bed and never really got up again. Within two days he was severely ill and weak. His blood sugar count was down to 66, and his face and eyeballs were yellow. He was rushed to the emergency at Pali-Momi, where he was diagnosed to be suffering from massive organ failure He died shortly beforemidnight.

No one would have made the connection between his job and his death, had it not been for a doctor who specifically asked if he had been in a warehouse or exposed to dried rat or mouse droppings at any time. They said there is a virus (much like the Hanta virus) that lives in dried rat and mouse droppings. Once dried, these droppings are like dust and can easily be breathed in or ingested if a person does not wear protective gear or fails to wash face and hands thoroughly.

An autopsy was performed on the clerk to verify the doctor’s suspicions.

This is why it is extremely important to ALWAYS carefully rinse off the tops of canned sodas or food! s, to wipe off pasta packaging, cereal boxes, and so on. Almost everything you buy in a supermarket was stored in a warehouse at one time or another and stores themselves often have rodents. Most of us remember to wash vegetables and fruits but never think of boxes and cans.

The ugly truth is, even the most modern, upper class, super stores have rats and mice. And their warehouse most assuredly does!

Whenever you buy any canned soft drink, please make sure that you wash the top with running water and soap or, if that is not available, drink with a straw.

The investigation of soda cans by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta discovered that the tops of soda cans can be encrusted with dried rat urine, which is so toxic it can be lethal. Canned drinks and other foodstuffs are stored in warehouses and containers that are usually infested with rodents, and then they get transported to retail outlets without being properly cleaned.